Why You Shouldn't Feel Obligated To Share Your Sexuality

Thank you to all the people who helped me write this post. Even though most of what is written are my own opinions, Jess has added some great stuff to this. Also, thank you to the many people who revised it and encouraged me to post it. Mad love for you all. 

Typed by Rhiannon is bold and italicized 
Typed by Jess is in red normal typeface 


Before even starting this, I realize that my readers are going to have 7763653 different views on this topic, and that’s totally fine. I realize that different things play into why people feel a certain way about sexuality and promiscuity and relationships. Religion, culture, and experience play into peoples perceptions. This post is just to make people aware of their own perceptions and how attempting to change other peoples perspectives can hurt them. The purpose of this post is to bring awareness to the negative stigma that certain people get, and even though all opinions about these topics are important, this post is to help people reflect on themselves, not others. 

Sexuality is a complicated thing. While most view the topic as a black and white matter, there are many, many, shades of grey in between. Most of society assumes there are two types of people when it comes to sexuality, gay and straight,  but there are other sexual minorities as well; transgender, queer, asexual, etc. It becomes difficult for many to keep track of what a person labels themselves as, but in reality, it really doesn’t matter. 

I actually took some time to research this, and find things out before I started writing. Sexuality is a controversial topic and the last thing I want to do is seem ignorant to the world that I am coincidentally criticizing for being ignorant. If you really needed to put your sexuality on a scale, use the Kinsey scale (otherwise known as the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale) Essentially this scale implies that people are sprinkled throughout the spectrum, ranging 0-6. Yes, some people fall in the exclusively heterosexual spectrum, but there’s also the middle ground that people often forget about. The world is not divided into sheep and goats - the world rarely finds itself divided into two distinct categories, and I feel that sexuality is not one of them.

Imagine how much hurt and violence and drama would be eliminated if people “stayed in their lane” when it came to relationships and personal business. If you’re simply focusing on yourself, and not bothered by other people's sexual orientation or promiscuity, don’t you think your life would be a little better? We all have a tendency to gossip, but some of the most calming and peaceful times in my life has been when I remove myself from the social aspect of college and life in general. Sexuality and relationships are personal and private matters, and in order to become comfortable with your own relationships, you’ll have to do it on your own.

No one should ever have to feel like they need to “come out” to the rest of the world. Relationships and sex are a personal matter and there is absolutely no need to declare to the world the biological sex of someone you’re involved with. There is also no need to assume the sexual orientation of another individual. It’s none of your business and it’s important to remember that things aren’t always how they seem.

[ side note: LGBTQ is an acronym that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Queer, and is used to designate a community of people whose sexual or gender identities can create shared political and social concerns. For more in depth definitions of the individual terms, see the end of this blog post]

I also think it’s important to bring the negative sides of public sexuality to light. This might be a hard topic to cover because of the radical differences that people have about sexuality, but it’s something that shouldn’t be swept under the rug. Violence against LGBTQ people is a rising problem, with hate crimes targeted against LGBTQ people at 20% in 2012. This is up 6% since 2004. Even though this seems like a small number, the fact of the matter is - it should not be happening at all. I will always support LGBTQ people and say it proudly, but can you blame people for actually wanting to keep their sexuality “in the closet”, so to speak? Hate crimes for any reason are unacceptable, and those because of sexual orientation are cruel. People should be able to walk down the street in whatever they want to wear, however they want to act, without having people judge or assault or assume. 

This particular paragraph you're reading wasn't actually part of the post at first. But, after re-reading the post myself, and having another person point it out, I realize I might sound like I'm condemning people who have expressed their sexuality in a public way. That is not my intention at all, and I have mad respect for all the "out and proud" individuals of the world. I just want to make people aware that how another person chooses to portray their sexuality or how they choose to present themselves is something that is THEIR business, and should be respected as such. 

We as a society seem to adopt similar dress, style, and actions in order to fit in with our own community. Imagine this though, the world is sexually fluid (sexualities can vary and there is no way to know the sexuality of a person by the style they embody). You actually have to create relationships and friendships with others to get to know them without them publicly expressing their sexuality. You can wear what you want and be who you are without any judgement. We unfortunately live in a world where people feel the need to use their wardrobe to make their sexuality known to others. If you are a female and you like to wear men's clothing and backwards hats and whatnot, more power to you. It’s no secret that loose fitting clothing is hella comfortable. But please don’t feel like you need to cut your hair off and wear those clothes for people to accept you as a lesbian or wear tight fitting pastel colored t-shirts and shorts from Macy's to accept you as a gay man. Wear what makes you comfortable and happy. Your sexuality shouldn’t define your look or hinder your individuality.

*can you guys tell I'm on an L word binge right now?*

The point I’m trying to make is simple - Focus on your own actions, relationships, sexuality, gender, and life instead of passing judgement and worrying about other people. Some things are private, and shouldn’t be assumed. We have a long way to go before the world is accepting of the large range of sexualities, genders, and type of people, but you are doing your part if you turn away from judging and instead focus on being comfortable with yourself. 

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to only women.
Gay: A man who is attracted only to men.
Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both men and women. 
Transgender: Someone who identifies as the opposite gender of what their biological sex usually pairs with.
Queer: Anybody who falls in the 'grey area', or who does not identify with the existing labels.