Currently, March.10:37 PM
I’m currently having a difficult time writing. I’m not sure why - I used to be able to spit out 5 blog posts a week, and now it’s like pulling teeth to finish one. I think my niche is changing. Quite frankly, I’m tired of writing “How to ________ in 5 minutes!!!” posts, or “5 Ways to _____!!!”. at times, those are fun, but right now I want to dive deeper into the blog world and work on more memoir style writing. It’s scary though, because then I’m putting intimate details of my life on the internet. Am I really ready to talk about my job, my love life, and my lack of adult characteristics on my website. Who would read that anyway?
I’m currently transitioning into a new job. By the end of this month, I’ll be in a full time Special Education position, which is equally exciting and terrifying. I remember sitting in my required Sped class at Western, being so awed by the professor and her tactics on helping children with special needs. I knew I wanted to get involved with that, I just didn’t know how. I also didn’t expect to jump into Special Education this quickly. I’ve got 4 internships under my belt, but less than a year of teaching on my own. It’s scary, because these children need someone so badly, and I want to be that. I’m just terrified of failure. The thought that is keeping me going, though, is that I was picked for this position because I’m considered a good teacher by administration. Both an ego boost and a calming thought when I’m worried about my success in a new specialty.
I’m currently detaching myself from a chapter in my life that has recently closed. I’ve spent months internally battling with the idea that my life would soon be changing - although I wasn’t sure if it would be a good or bad change. I’m trying to stay away from that chapter in my life and move forward, but I occasionally find myself thinking about that chapter, feeling a sting in my side. Not because I want it back - I don’t - but because I feel guilty and sad. Forgiving myself doesn’t seem like an option right now - hopefully it will come.
I’m currently feeling not like myself. Maybe that’s because of the whirlwind of major life changes happening, or maybe that I didn’t know myself at all. Certain days I feel put together, motivated, excited for life and all it has to offer. Other days, I feel like I’m in an awkward “second puberty” - too young to be taken seriously, but too old to be living a college lifestyle with my friends.
I’m currently reading The Happiness Project & Gathering Blue. I’m enjoying The Happiness Project - which anyone can realize because it is well loved. The spine is broken down and the cover’s edges are beginning to fray. I always find myself reading it in the spring, maybe because that’s the time that I try to get motivated and change my attitude. Gathering Blue isn’t hitting the spot as well, though. After reading The Giver, Lois Lowry’s books just aren’t comparing.
Until April, friends.