Changes

10:12 PM

I didn’t really grasp the notion that your 20’s were going to be a whirlwind of debauchery until I found myself single, paying for an overpriced apartment, and accepting a full time position in Waynesville, North Carolina. I did not envision this life for me at all - I imagined myself strolling down the Los Angeles streets with a tall California boy on my arm, or nestled up in Boston with my previous partner & my little. I’d spend my days blogging furiously and my nights exploring new places with Natalie, Michael, and Jess. Or I might be in The Poconos surrounded by the smells of Italian food and my father’s (outrageously loud) television playing episodes of Bones until 2 am.

In case you weren’t aware, none of that is happening.

I’m here, in the middle of the Western  NC Mountains, teaching 7th grade, and visiting Hickory more than I expected. I still haven’t decided if this life (that I kind of asked for) is the one that I want, but I can’t change everything right now.

But one thing I could change was my employment for the rest of the school year.

I’ve been working with 7th graders since January and have really enjoyed it. I’m finishing up an interim position and, until last week, had no idea what my next move was. It wasn’t until I was sitting in a meeting with my Language Arts specialist, who was telling me that I had less than a month until my position would be refilled, that I realized just how not ready I was to leave this (extremely) little area of North Carolina. I’ve grown to love these kids, and this school, and the people in it. I like waking up in the morning and driving to work. I get excited to sit down and plan out my lessons for the week. I didn’t want to give that up yet.

So, I made a change in my specialty. I decided to dip my foot into the Special Education pool. Cue the wide eyes and sympathetic sighing.

By the way, that shit really pisses me off - if someone comes up to you excited about a new position in their life please don’t respond with a negative reaction.

A part of me understands the wide eyes and weary looks. Sped is difficult - it’s an area that not many people touch, out of fear or laziness I think, but I remember being fascinated by the Sped world as a college student.

So here I am, sprawled across the living room floor with markers, crayons, boxes, binders, and so much more, trying to figure out how I'll design my classroom and organize IEP paperwork. I’m a whirlwind of ideas and inspiration, reaching out to anyone and everyone who will listen and respond. I've got a lot going through my mind - a lot of stress if we’re being completely honest. A lot of nights my stomach is tight with a lull of sadness and fear, but that’s a story for another day.

Today, I am excited and inspired.

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